Can You Keep it a Secret ?

I'm an illegitimate child.

Being denied the right to have my father's name makes me feel like it's a supreme privilege to obtain a guy's attention.
No need to say that this specific status has disastrous consequences on my personnal life.
I always feel like I don't belong anywhere. That people are not really interested in me, that they don't really enjoy my company. I feel like I'm a burden. And this situation itself is a burden on my own life.

I'm not so much of a Freud person, but this, and my inability to deal with guys, certainly come from the day my father refused to acknowledge my existence.

Bingo! I know what's wrong with me, I don't need a therapy.
...but knowing this (and I've known for quite a long time now) still does not help.

My father refused to give me his name and by doing this, he put my whole life into brackets.